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Chicago's Sears Building Attacked by Mad Secretaries
In a surprise terrorist attack on the Sears building in Chicago today five men and three women - all secretaries, took over the building and held everyone inside hostage as they began wiping out everyone inside. Their insidious plot seemed to be working until a hero stepped up and saved the remaining hostages from this evil plot.
The evil-doers managed once again to surprise security even after being on high alert since the 911 attacks. In the 911 attacks security was fooled by the hijackers who had plastic knives that they obtained after dining at McDonalds for breakfast. At the Sears building, "No one had suspected the terrorists would use white out!" said Joesph Staline, head of the secret security force in charge of the building.
The five terrorists began inmmediately whiting out all the exits in the building thus locking everyone inside. Then one by one the secretaries began rubbing out the occupants.
"It was horrible," said Martha Black who survived the onslaught. "One moment Bob was there and then poof, you couldn't see him anymore. Gone just like that. I never thought you could do that with white out."
The heroes - 3 men covered in typewriter ribbon- were immune to white out and were able to wrestle the terrorists to the floor and take the white out away from them. "I thought about turning the white out on the terrorists for a second, but then I gained control of my senses and held back. I remembered that I belong to the Good God Church and I calmed down", said Daivd Deskman from the third floor.
In all 33 people were rubbed out and another 55 had sustained injuries after losing limbs, one person lost an ear. When police showed up they could not get into the building because all the doors were wiped out, gone, pzzsst. The police called in the fire department to drill a hole in the wall where the doors once were to get everyone out.
Survivor Justin Tyme said, " I woke up this morning feeling lucky, now I know why."
Security chief Joesph Staline said security has now broadened to include all secretarial supply rooms, and janitor rooms. "It scares me to think about what they can do with the Drano cleaner," he said.
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